The easter skunk, p.1
The Easter Skunk, page 1
The Easter Skunk
Renatta Lynn
Illustrations by Shyra A. Robinson
Copyright © 2020 Renatta Lynn.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by
any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system
without the written permission of the author except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents,
organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products
of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Illustrations by Shyra A. Robinson
LifeRich Publishing
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Bloomington, IN 47403
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or
links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may
no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of
the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,
and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are
models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
ISBN: 978-1-4897-2963-7 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4897-2964-4 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020911538
LifeRich Publishing rev. date: 08/05/2020
Dedication
To my children, being your mother
is the greatest blessing.
To my students, you inspire me to keep learning.
To my brother, Dr. Umvikeli G. Scott Jones,
thank you for all you do.
“Look at what I’ve done!”
Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1 The Perfect Plan
Chapter 2 Knock! Knock!
Chapter 3 The Applicant
Chapter 4 A Skunk of a Dream
Chapter 5 An Underground Operation
Chapter 6 Training Day
Chapter 7 A Screeching Halt
Chapter 8 The Bunny Mobile
Chapter 9 A Real Stinker
Chapter 10 The VIB (Very Important Bunny)
Chapter 11 Ready or Not
Chapter 12 Nobunny’s Perfect
Chapter 1
The Perfect Plan
Once upon a time … that sounds so cliché. Since that’s how most fairy tales begin, I guess that is how we will start this one. But, this isn’t a story about fairies though. Maybe we shouldn’t use that. Hmmm, let’s think. Okay. I think I have it!
It was a brisk winter’s morning in February somewhere in the woods. Hidden in a cozy burrow lived a little white bunny with long floppy ears and a cute fluffy tail. His name was Larry. Or maybe it was Phil. I just can’t remember—but anyway, he was the Easter Bunny. He was chilling in his little rabbit hole, thinking about spring. He knew that soon he would prepare all the final details for the upcoming Easter holiday.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t really looking forward to Easter that year. Ever since little Ralph—I mean, uh … never mind! I still can’t remember his name. Ever since the Easter Bunny took on this job, he had never been able to go to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break. He’d always dreamed of basking in the sun, sipping carrot juice, and watching the ocean waves. Instead, he had to be tucked under some prickly bush leaving eggs and chocolates for a bunch of little random kids. Does anybody realize how much work it takes to get all that stuff ready? I mean, bunnies don’t even lay eggs. So how did the Easter Bunny get them? Every year, he spent countless hours haggling, trying to bargain with those chickens. Trust me; they weren’t the most rational creatures to work with.
So Bob—yeah, let’s just call him Bob—wanted to take Easter off this year. That’s when he had the perfect idea. I will put out an ad. “Help wanted! Easter Bunny is taking a vacation. Substitute bunny needed this year. Contact Bob, your friendly neighborhood Easter Bunny, for more information.”
As Bob reviewed his advertisement, he noticed a crucial flaw in his plan. If anyone were to get word that the actual Easter Bunny was taking a vacation, no one would believe that this so-called replacement was the real deal. No, sir! This plan called for discretion. He quickly deleted the original ad and started over. “Help wanted! An opportunity of a lifetime! Free chocolate! Anybunny may apply. Contact Bob for more details. P.S. Did I mention free chocolate?”
Chapter 2
Knock! Knock!
Bob posted the advertisement on every social media outlet he could think of. He sent email blasts to all the local job recruiting agencies. Day after day, he sat glued to his computer and cell phone, whiskers crossed. Someone had to respond. Suddenly, there was a little knock on the door. Bob leaped out of his chair and dashed to the peephole but saw no one. He opened the front door only to see the express delivery driver climbing back into the truck. “Oh, great!” he said in a huff. “The eggs have arrived.”
Bob began carrying in the crates one at a time. He wanted to toss those eggs across the floor. But he knew Easter was near, and he just couldn’t risk any breaking. Finally, the last crate was stacked in the living room. His cozy burrow was packed floor to ceiling with eggs. He was beat. He worked so hard that all his fur was matted. Time for a shower, he thought as he hopped down the hall into the bathroom.
The water was piping hot. Boy oh boy did it feel good. Boom! Boom! He was startled by pounding on the front door. Bob almost slipped while leaping out of the shower. He threw on a towel and darted for the door. This time, he didn’t bother to look out the peephole.
Bob flung the door open and was met by a rather peculiar sight. Before him stood what appeared to be a cat dressed in a bunny costume. “I’m here about the job!”
Bob was ecstatic. “Oh, yes! Please come in!” As he escorted the candidate into the dining room, there seemed to be a rather distinct and familiar odor lingering in the air. Bob thought it was the eggs.
Chapter 3
The Applicant
The interview was intense. Bob threw out every possible question yet was mindful that he should not come across as discriminatory. Still, he could not help but wonder who or what in the world was behind those obviously cheap, fake bunny ears. At last, he could no longer hold back. “So just how do you expect anyone to believe you are the real deal? I mean, even a mole with one eye could tell you’re not a rabbit! I mean, you don’t even look the part. Your tail is too bushy. Your fur is certainly not fluffy. And, well, let’s put it this way—adorable is not your middle name. No, this just won’t work.”
Bob was hopelessly disappointed. He seemed to have no other choice but to just call the whole thing off. As he arose to show the little guy the door, the applicant spoke firmly. “Well, just a jolly applesauce minute, there, bub!”
“You mean Bob.”
“I know who you are! And I even remember your name—something the narrator of this so-called literary wannabe fairytale masterpiece can’t seem to do! Now, your ad said, and I quote, ‘Anybunny may apply.’ Well, sir, I am that anybunny. I don’t see no line outside that doorway of yours. Do you? And besides, you ain’t exactly no breath of fresh air either. I always thought the Easter bunny was young and spunky with billowy white fur and the perfect fluffy cottontail. You, sir, are slightly brown, not to mention that tail of yours seems a tad dingy on the under-edge, and you are balding right there between the ears. Perhaps you, Mr. so-called Easter Bunny, are the imposter! What do you think of that? Huh? Huh?”
Bob was taken aback by the applicant’s rather honest and blunt commentary. Much to his dismay, his Just-for-Bunny white fur color had faded in the shower, and he forgot to put on his fur toupee when he rushed to the door. He shook his head and looked down at the floor, pondering his next question, comment, and every idea running through his little bunny brain. He responded in a most despondent tone.
“Oh, okay, little guy. Let’s get one thing clear: I am the Easter Bunny, through and through! And I have been for quite a while. And I am just tired of those little crumb-snatching booger pickers plucking around my den in the off season. So I let my natural fur breathe for a bit. I mean, Easter is only once a year, for crying out loud! Now, on to more important matters: what’s your name? What kind of cat are you, exactly? And what is that gosh-awful stench?”
The applicant stood up, bold and proud. “They call me JP, sir, at your service. And I, sir, am a skunk!”
Chapter 4
A Skunk of a Dream
JP continued his monologue. He spoke in a confident and lively tone. His eyes were bright with excitement. “I know what you are thinking. No, sir! I am not one of those fancy French skunks, either. I am just a humble little skunk with a dream! I dream of one day crossing every meadow, leaving candy and treats for the wonderful children. I dream of frolicking through the woods while anticipating onlookers gaze in awestruck wonder of my gallant aloofness. I have a dream of one day not being looked at as a stinky pest or smudged roadkill with an effervescent aroma that linger s for days. I have a dream to change every stereotype about my fellow brothers and sisters. We are more than skunks; we are endearing woodland creatures with rights. We skunks have a real purpose in this here world. And by golly, my dream is to put skunks on the map. I, sir, can be and will be the very best temporary Easter Bunny replacement ever imagined. Even better than that, I am not just the Easter Bunny, I am the Easter Skunk!”
Bob was silent. This was his only applicant. He tried to take a deep breath, but each breath was cut short by the once-nameless aroma that was obviously JP’s idea of interview-worthy cologne. For several painstakingly long moments, Bob played out every possible scenario in his head. There were so many ways this whole thing could go wrong. Nonetheless, Myrtle Beach was waiting, and Easter was not too far away. He mulled over his next words with great care. Taking a shallow breath, he blurted, “Congratulations! You’re hired! Training starts tomorrow!”
Chapter 5
An Underground Operation
It is a well-known fact that Easter is not celebrated by as many people as Christmas. In actuality, with all the information so readily available on the internet, fewer and fewer children have any sort of imagination left at all when it comes to such things as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny. It is quite a tragedy. However, the Easter Bunny has learned to use this to his advantage.
For many years, the entire Easter Bunny experience has been a one-bunny operation. You can imagine the stress and turmoil of a single bunny hopping along across the country, attempting to leave treats and surprises for children on Easter morning. But imagine, if you will, the preparation beforehand: coloring every egg, making candies, and individually wrapping each chocolate in foil.
Fortunately, most Easter egg hunts take place in parks and on church grounds. Typically, the bunnies of the past left private Easter egg hunts to the imposters: the grandpas, grannies, and distant relatives who thought it humorous to hide eggs in the most inconspicuous of spots and then watch with glee as children searched aimlessly. More often than not, numerous eggs were left undiscovered, only to rot in dark corners.
The truth of the matter is the Easter bunnies of the past learned with each succession. The internet, which was largely at fault for children losing all sense of imagination, became a valuable resource. Bunnies learned how to develop a foolproof delivery system that involved the use of the post office and other shipping companies. Also, instead of attempting to make their own jelly beans and chocolates from scratch, it was much simpler to order in bulk from the best candy-making companies in the business. After all, not every bunny that put his paw to baking had the natural knack.
Another benefit of the internet was that now the Easter Bunny could find the biggest events across the nation at which to make his appearance. He would search event pages months in advance. Fortunately, not all Easter egg hunts happened on Easter Sunday anymore, which allowed more time for deliveries and appearances. Even though the real Easter Bunny resented the thought of humans dancing rhythmless while wearing a ridiculous fuzzy white, pink, or powder-blue bunny suit in shopping malls across the country, it generated a sort of buzz about the season. This type of reintroduction drew the wonder of children who otherwise wouldn’t have any sense of what it meant to truly be a child at all.
Now you may ask just how a single bunny gets to so many locations spread throughout the country. Well, now you are just being nosy!
Chapter 6
Training Day
With only a few short days left until Easter, Bob had to give PJ—I mean, JP—a crash course in all things Easter Bunny. Despite the obvious time constraint, for once Bob was somewhat at ease. In previous years, he carried the full load of preparation. He was in charge of negotiating with the chickens to ensure he had enough eggs to fill his quota. He then boiled and meticulously painted every egg. He placed candy orders and tracked all shipping details to confirm the orders actually arrived where they should. Then he designed and created every special-order Easter basket. On top of all of that, Bob also had to act as his own publicist and booking agent for every public appearance. It’s no wonder the little guy started to bald between the ears.
Bob found comfort in having someone to share the load—not to mention that he had declined all requests for guest appearances since he knew he would in fact be out of town. With each request, he simply responded,
To Whom It May Concern,
I thank you for your inquiry regarding a personal appearance. Unfortunately, I have not been feeling quite myself this year and think it best to decline all personal appearance requests. I would hate to expose the children. I will, however, uphold my previous obligations of ensuring that the Easter baskets, eggs, and supplies you have requested are delivered at the appointed time.
Thank you for your understanding in the matter.
Sincerely,
The Easter Bunny
After all, guest appearances were not such a big deal. Typically, Bob would arrive at a given destination right before the activities would begin. He then would tuck away under some itchy bush or behind a tree, awaiting the sound of children rushing out into the field. Then he dashed across the lawn to the nearest bunny hole while children chased him, shouting in amazement, “It’s the Easter Bunny! Get him!” Undoubtedly, it was Bob’s least favorite part of Easter—running frantically from those sticky fingered, noisy children while they clumsily tripped over each other in a panicked attempt to catch the Easter Bunny. It was getting to be too much excitement for his delicate bunny heart.
Since all appearances had been canceled, Bob felt JP should have no issue fulfilling the role as that year’s Easter Bunny—uh, I mean, Easter Skunk. However, Bob had to train JP and prepare him for every possible scenario. Many hidden details and mysteries obviously cannot be disclosed to the public, so we won’t mention them in this story. However, there are a few basic rules that we have been granted exclusive permission to include in our story.
1. Make every delivery early to avoid being late.
2. Make sure that the eggs haven’t spoiled or broken before hiding them.
3. Check the invoice in case of special restrictions, such as nut allergies.
4. Don’t hide eggs in dangerous places (for example, near a cliff, by water, or among poison ivy).
5. Never be seen or get caught!
Chapter 7
A Screeching Halt
Bob was right in the middle of going over the rules when JP blurted out abruptly, “Hey, just a second! You have had me working nonstop over the past few days. Your advertisement said, ‘free chocolate.’ And I ain’t tasted not one piece. All I been doing is wrapping it, shipping it, and putting it in baskets. Now, a deal is a deal. I demand compensation. When do I get my free chocolate?”
JP had a point. Bob’s ad did mention free chocolate. However, this bunny was pretty quick on his feet and as equally quick-witted. Bob replied slyly, “Well, my furry friend, I did say free chocolate. But I never mentioned that you would get to eat the chocolate. Just check the advertisement. You will see there is no mention of eating chocolate whatsoever. Nor is there a mention of any set amount.”
Admittedly, JP knew Bob was speaking the truth. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little swindled. Deep down inside, JP had always prided himself on being dependable and seeing any task through to the very end. However, he couldn’t stand for injustice. How could he go on with this entire charade knowing that he didn’t stand up for himself? More important, how would he make a difference if he didn’t stand up for other skunks that had been mistreated?
Being the first Easter Skunk was about more than just bringing joy to children and giving some overworked bunny a break. This was an opportunity to change the world’s view of skunks for generations to come. JP had no other choice but to use the only leverage he had. “Well, Mr. Bob, if you don’t feel like honoring your word, I have no choice but to quit!”
